the *real* secret to success in life!

so, as most people do not know, one of the things i'm most passionate about in life is entrepreneurship. not so much being an entrepreneur; i'm too risk averse for that. more so, finding a way to encourage entrepreneurs and hopefully one day helping govts and organisations to see the benefits of entrepreneurship and develop practical ways to reduce the often overly obtrusive barriers to entry. besides those closest to me, however, you would never know that this is one of my passions. sadly, it is one of several "hobbies" that i have absolutely no time to devote to.

this post is not about my lost passions, though. it is precisely about entrepreneurship. kind of. a couple days ago i read a blog post from an org i've been following for the last 5+ years, called growthink. this org focuses on everything and anything to do with entrepreneurs, particularly in the states. from writing business plans to consulting to investing, etc, this org is pretty clued up and has grown significantly over the years. the moment i saw the title and tag line of this blog, i was intrigued. i have to admit, when i saw the title ("the secret of success in business and life") appear in my inbox, i immediately searched for the delete button - much like you probably wanted to ignore this post when you saw the title! for some reason, though, before i did that, I managed to skim through the tag-line and my interest was peaked. it went something like "you're probably skeptical of anyone saying they have the secret formula (i was/am), but like nothing else i've ever read, this is spot on (hmmm...)". the parenthetical italic-ed comments are my own, btw.

anyway, i decided to go to the blog to find out more. you can check it out here. the blog was about a book title The Leadership Challenge by James Kouzes and Barry Posner (recently added to my list of "soon" to read books). This is what peaked my interest: the author says "the secret to success in life is to stay in love"! WHAT? or better WTF??! apparently:

"Staying in love gives you the fire to ignite other people, to see inside other people, to have greater desire to get things done than other people. A person who is not in love doesn't really feel the kind of excitement that helps them to get ahead and to lead others and to achieve. I don't know any other fire, any other thing in life that is more exhilarating and is more positive a feeling than love is."

just some BS logic to sell a book, right? i also found it interesting that, like any good businessman, dave, the author of the blog and owner of the org, put his 3 cents in and translated the quote to mean that people must be passionate about what they do. while i think that's true, i also think that's pretty much given, and not really a secret. and quite frankly, i don't think it captures what Kouzes & Posner are saying. i sincerely think that by being and staying in love, Kouzes & Posner mean, being and staying in love. not with your business or with your ideas (duh), but with someone. i am absolutely no expert on this, but do find it strangely interesting and worthy of some thought, discussion, and of course, another blog post.

more on this. coincidentally, i was having drinks with a close friend the day after reading this, chatting about everything and anything, from girls (the fact that i have none) to work (bleh) to the many business ideas that we have and never implement, etc. completely out of the blue, he blurts out, "you know, folu, i've decided that we really need to find you a girl...i really think what will take you to the next level in life is to be in love"! i typically brush off these types of comments with a joke or a voetsek, both of which i used artfully to get out of this topic as well. but, in my mind, i was reminded of the blog from growthink. next level? love? success? whats the connection? could it be my hurt from my last failed love that holding me back and enabling much of the dissatisfaction i have in my current job? could it be true that finding and staying in love will somehow translate to success in business and in life? is it that simple? i guess being in love does teach you a lot of things in life. Kouzes & Posner use words like "excitement", "desire", "fire" "exhilarating" and "ignite". Those terms, used to describe feelings of one who's in love, can also be used to describe the day-to-day outlook of an entrepreneur, no? you need excitement and desire to start your own thing and ensure that it grows and thrives. hell, you need excitement and desire to live life to its fullest and be satisfied in what you do and who you are.

so what does this mean? if you're not in love, you can't be a good entrepreneur? if i dont find love, i wont move to the "next level" of mankind and achieve satisfaction or, as jerry mcguire would put it, completeness? what is it about this warm and fuzzy feeling anyway that inspires people to action and enables entrepreneurs to get the most out of their businesses and employees? do i actually believe in this hog-wash? makes a bit of sense. actually makes a lot of sense. so its on like donkey-kong. the search for love and this elusive next level, that is. any takers?

madiba: savior, saint, or common man?

  

Last week, i was invited to join a discussion with a group that i described as young energetic south african youth leaders (or YESAYLs). No, these were not political youth leaders in the mold of julius malema (good ole juju). and they probably wouldnt consider themselves youth leaders...yet...but imo they're well on their way to defining and shaping the conversations in south africa in the years to come. and that's a good thing. i'm not 100% sure why i was invited; though being a friend of one of these YESAYLs didn't hurt i guess. I'd also like to think that i was invited because one of the YESAYL thought I had something to add to the topic. and she knew me enough to know that i would never turn down a chance for a good debate.

The topic: Mandela Day and Mandela, in general.

Before I got the invite, I had a pre-debate with aforementioned YESAYL about Mandela day and the activities set apart for that day, particularly the one organised by the cheesekids organisation. See, every July 18 (or thereabouts), south africa celebrates the former president's (and living icon's) birthday and 67 years of service. Mandela has made a point in recent years to remind south africans this should never be seen as a holiday (which it isnt), but as a national day of service - a day set apart to do something, anything, for at least 67 minutes to help someone else or some community or some school, etc. People proudly boasted of the 67 minutes they spent cleaning up their local park, their local roads, taking food to the homeless, reading to kids, painting schools, etc. instead of south africa looking for a moment to unite around during world cups and sporting events, you would have thought they found one during mandela day. people were reporting from all over the country what they had just done and how proud they were of themselves. it was a time to be proud to be south african, or for people like me, proud to be among proud south africans. or was it?

at least one group of young intellectuals (mostly black south africans) found something fundamentally wrong with these kinds of activities. Enter the previously mentioned YESAYLs. They criticised the cheesekids organisation for organising an event that was supposed to be about giving back, but rather turned into a publicity stunt with "famous" people showing up to sign autographs and the organisation spending lots more money on concerts and PR than actually focusing on helping people. They questioned how much "help" or effect the 67 minutes really had on the communities. Were township kids really better off for kicking a ball around for 67 minutes? Were students smarter and better equiped to succeed academically thanks to the new hastily painted hallways? Were the homeless better off for the bland soup made and distributed within the allotted 67 minutes? Or was it a day to feed white guilt and make people (white, black, indian, green, purple, yellow...) feel good about themselves, because, hey they've done their 67 minutes of service and now they can relax in anticipation of next year's 67 minutes? (one YESAYL wrote a brilliant piece about this in the leading mail & guardian newspaper; check it out at here)

This was the starting point for last week's discussions facilitated by these YESAYLs. you may have noticed me or others tweeting with #madiba. These were the instructions of the group for those that chose to tweet the debate. I resisted at first, but just like my resistance of twitter, i had to give in to the urge! Moving on, the convo quickly turned from the pointed debate on mandela day to the "issue" of mandela himself.

The sub-topic: do we still need mandela?

As south africans, these YESAYLs all had valid points; I learned quite a bit from them. there was no debate that madiba was needed in the early 90s. As the struggle went global, it was necessary to have a face for the movement. when blacks were liberated, but tensions existed between zulu's and xhosa's, for example, madiba was absolutely necessary. despite his many flaws, madiba the saint was needed for a time period. the question now remained, do we still need madiba today? do we need a saint? a savior? do we need to look at our past to determine where we're headed or do we need to look to ourselves to find the savior within?

Intellectually, the arguments of the YESAYLs made sense. Painting a school for 67 minutes or giving bread and sweets to a homeless person may actually do more evil than good. Ideally, we would all want people to have a more sustained commitment to helping those in need. going to a school every week to tutor and mentor is obviously much better than going once a year, for an hour, and kicking a soccer ball around, then turning around, getting the hell out of there as fast as possible and going back to enjoying drinks, dancing and music in a much more comfortable northern suburb (which is some people's recollection of what happened on mandela day). And yes, ideally, we would leave madiba alone and let the man be in peace and move on. we wouldn't use him as a crutch or elevate him to a pedestal he never asked to be on. we wouldn't use him as the only reason to do something for a purpose greater than ourselves. what happens when the man dies? we would have to move on sometime, no? why not now? but is this only an intellectual argument?

for those students of south african history and the history of the struggle - as most of these YESAYLs were - its easy to recognise madiba for the ordinary man that he is and therefore to place too much value on the intellectual and fact based arguments. but for people like me - and i would dare say many other non-south africans - #madiba represents more than himself. i challenged the group to look beyond the intellectual argument and towards a more emotional and realistic one. to remember what madiba stood for and represents to the rest of the world. he was the face of the black struggle. to move on from that so quickly, risks "moving on" too quickly from the plight of the black south african - a struggle that still continues in full force today. to move on from the ideal that is madiba risks moving on from the ideal of forgiveness and nation building. as an alternative to madiba, many may turn to a more militant and less thoughtful juju- a scenario, i don't even wish to entertain. dead or alive, if people can look at madiba and be inspired to learn more about south africans or to act in an unselfish manner, with a greater purpose, if madiba represents the aspirations of a nation and the ideal of freedom and reconciliation, then why are we so quick to want to discard that? although fully aware of his faults, i was inspired by madiba and what he represents and represented. an ideal he was willing to die for - words i can only aspire to say one day.

and what about mandela day. once upon a time, i used to hate people that come through inner cities or townships once or twice a year and pass out candies or play soccer with the kids for an hour, give them some soup and then leave. I agreed with the group that it helps the "volunteer's" egos and guilt way more than he helps the communities and kids. but then i thought some more about this and the ideal of the majority of ONE. if events like the one organised by cheesekids (however flawed) allowed just one person to experience something they would normally have not in a community they would normally not visit; if the call to service opened the eyes of one teenager to think of others above themselves, even for a few minutes, and sacrifice some of their time and resources; if all the festivities introduced only one person to the idea of giving more regularly and volunteering more actively, then in some way it has its value. i think we may need to start viewing development of people, communities, nations, in such a light. As we await the lightning bolt to hit, eradicating poverty and solving world hunger, perhaps we can take solace knowing that one person has been given an opportunity to have a view into the world of helping people help themselves, perhaps meeting others with the same goals, and perhaps going on to make it a sustained habit.

these YESAYLs have decided to start a youth think tank. i look forward to watching them grow and hearing great things about them!

lessons from momsie and popsie

so the parents just left and what a week and some. before i say much else, i just want to say how much i really admire those guys, their marriage, their faith, their love for people, and their resilience. popsie always says that their dream and hope is for their children to surpass them in all areas. to be honest, at this point, if i manage to be even with them (esp marriage-wise), i'll be happy!

they're so cute!

speaking of parents, they came from the US after a brief stop in Nigeria. Which leads me, sort of, to what i want to discuss. lately, i've been on a self-proclaimed 'journey of hope' - to find things about nigeria that make me hopeful and which spell signs of development and improvement. before then, i had been all too often chastised for being a pessimist after being the eternal (and naive) idealist in my university days.

because the last time i was in nigeria was about 6 years ago and, since then, i've read and heard some postive things, i was looking forward to hearing my parents perspective and their experience in naija. well, i must say it took all the optimism in me to keep the faith after listening to my parents lament the sorry state of the country. these are die-hard nigerians (my parents, i.e.) who have been investing and building for decades, dreaming of their early retirement back to nigeria. the feeling they had was not simply sorrow, but even anger, at the waste, corruption, and under-development of nigeria. seeing the roads in south africa, even the small potholes, they couldn't stop complaining and marveling at why the nigerian government cannot do something as simple as fix the roads that are in such disrepair that if left alone will render nigeria un-travel-able. when i took them through the shacks and impoverished areas of cape town and johannesburg, they were surprised that this sort of poverty still existed in south africa; however, the next thought that came to them was how even the poor, mostly, still have access to good (and relatively clean!) roads, water, electricity (sometimes). This meant that the poorest of south africans were still likely several levels richer than the poor nigerian.

sure, south africa cannot begin to compare itself against nigeria and thus celebrate being far and away more developed. but, on the flip side, nigeria certainly has to consider its journey in comparison with south africa's and be much ashamed. what have we done with so many riches - within the soils, the waters and brains of nigeria? and what about all those positive reports of nigeria improving? the improved banking environment? the cleaner lagos? the housing boom? perhaps my parents didn't go to those parts? or perhaps changes in the macro- and micro-level factors have yet to reach the average nigerian?

this reminds me a bit of 2009, when i spent the year working in botswana. no offense, and all love, to my batswana friends, but i gotta call y'all out! going to bots, i had read all the glowing reviews of the country. least corrupt african country, most developed, best cinderella story, going from very poor to high middle income country in ~40years, boomin economy, booming middle class, etc. well, this wasn't exactly the case. In fact, the capital city, Gaborone, was a little more than a glorified village. However, this is about where the comparisons b/w nigeria and botswana end. Personal bias aside, the policy level changes in botswana were actually being felt among the average batswana. I do not recall seeing one beggar in all of Gaborone. People were being put to work, mostly. The average guy in 2009 felt better off than the average guy in 1970. My parents lived in Nigeria in the 1970s and they and many others certainly felt richer, prouder, and more hopeful then than now. theres shame in that.

so the million naira question remains: what is wrong with nigeria and how do you fix it? my parents have many theories; one being that nigerians are simply not patriotic enough and do not own up to their country enough to want to fix things without waiting for the nebulous govt to act. im not so sold on that theory. but the idea of patriotism got me thinking about solidarity. what makes nigerians nigerian? its certainly not language, culture, or a shared sense of identity and belonging. rather, its a bit more modern than that. and perhaps gives some glimpses into what the problem is. if you ask any nigerian on the streets of lagos or elsewhere how they're doing, they will not answer "fine", like the rest of the world. No, the most common response to that question is simply: "i'm struggling". so perhaps, its a shared sense of struggle that makes nigerians nigerian? its this sense of struggle that makes nigerians get up in the morning and drive through none moving traffic, board well worn, torn, and overcrowded buses, navigate the crater-sized pot-holes on every street and highway. perhaps, also, its this sense of struggle that keeps the nigerian from taking ownership of things such as neighborhood crime, cleanliness, roads, water provision, and infrastructure development and maintenance. to me, these are easy wins for local governments. is it this sense of struggle that gives corrupt politicians (that's almost a pleonasm) a free pass - allowing them to endlessly steal taxpayer money with less than nothing to show for it?

my parents have never stopped dreaming about retiring back to nigeria, and in fact have been building and investing in anticipation for that. however, one could almost hear a doubt in their voices as they lamented over the increasing negative trajectory of development in the country, contrary to a lot of the news one reads about these days. even if were able to diagnose what the problem was - patriotism, corruption, sense of struggle or otherwise - how do we go about fixing it? what am i doing or can i do to address it? that, my friends, is the 2 million naira question.

catching up

sincere apologies to my die hard fans (all million and a half of you) who haven't heard from me in a while! i know i've been MIA for a realllly long time, but you can blame that on my work that has kept me locked in (literally sometimes) and has captured my soul. i wish i could say that its been fun, but it hasnt. at all. enough about the soul-devouring employer and on to a recap. sort of a cop out, yes, but so many things have happened since the last time i posted an i didn't just want to pick one. so here are a couple highlights!

Goodluck Jonathan Wins Nigerian Elections
I know this probably seems like old news now, but its still a great achievement that should be celebrated. I think in most places other than Nigeria, the achievements of the latest elections and its significance would have been celebrated much more than it was. Yes, many people are aware that relative to other Nigerian elections, this was probably more credible, free and fair. To be sure, there were lots of irregularities and politicians attempted to incite their paid thugs by crying foul and watching as looting, fighting, and murders ravaged on unhinged. But as we nigerians like to say (and those who follow Nigeria) relative to other nigerian polls this was a pretty darn good election period. Kudo's to the election commission chair Professor Attahiru Jega for assembling a good (enough) staff, instilling good (enough) practices, taking on the backlash after delaying the start of the elections due to irregualrities and still pulling off a good (enough) election over 3 weekends.

So what makes this election so special? in order to answer that, we have to look at who President Jonathan is and where he's from, as much as where Nigeria has come from. 1st, the president, by admission of his own name, has been truly lucky the last few years. Without coming from a lineage of rainmakers or politically savvy gentlemen and women, he was pulled from obscurity to be the deputy governor of his state, Bayelsa. Within a couple years, the sitting governor was indicted for corruption charges, fled and was detained in London where he fled embarrassingly disguised as a woman (wtf!). After his impeachment, he was succeeded by Mr. Goodluck Jonathan. Then barely a couple years after, Mr. Goodluck was chosen to be the running mate of to-be President Yar'Adua to bring a north-south balance to the ticket. The ticket won the presidential elections and 2 years later the sick Yar'Adua croaked and after a brief vacuum of confusion, mr Goodluck assumed the office of President of the Republic of Nigeria. This means, in essence, the only election that Mr. Goodluck has won was the 2011 Presidential election. Congrats, Mr. Goodluck!

2nd, Mr. Goodluck hails from a region known as the south south, the Niger Delta. This is a region where the vast majority of the wealth of the nation comes from. Interestingly (or not), this is also one of the poorest regions in the country with no infrastructure, no good educational system, no jobs (besides the lucrative business of kidnapping, cutting oil pipes and stealing some oil (causing violent fires) and other gang related activities). Additionally, the people of the Niger delta can be considered a sort of minority group (one of legions) as they do not form one of the 3 major groups (Yoruba, Hausa, Igbo). so for the 1st time in Nigeria's history (I think), we have a president that hails from a minority group - one that has been marginalised and neglected since Nigeria became Nigeria!

3rd, check this out:

that would be the electoral map of nigeria. Goodluck managed to capture the south of the country, but the north remains anti-Goodluck. he must find a way to win the hearts and minds of those guys (not an easy task at all), in order to maintain any sense of peace and security in the country. Already, in addition to the unsettled Niger Delta, terrorist cells have been springing up and causing frequent deaths in many parts of the country.

I don't wish you goodluck, Mr. Goodluck Jonathan, I truly wish you Gods-speed and guidance! and i'm pulling for your unhindered success in addressing the true needs of Nigerians and bringing real and lasting development.

MBA graduation
This weekend was my graduation weekend. Luckily I was able to come and more importantly, my parents were able to come down (on route from US via nigeria). I didn't have much time to think about this event before I left for cape town on thursday, but as I saw old classmates and lecturers dressed in their finest and got to catch up with some i hadnt seen in so long, i began to realise just how fine of an occasion this was. i met some really amazing people during my studies last year that i plan on doing my best not to let get away (even if it means stalking!!)! a few people saw so many sides of me that i typically dont let out often; those same people were with me through good and bad, tough and rough, and i hope i can be as invaluable friends to them as they have been to me.

My parents brought some gifts from Nigeria and the states for me, including an awesome shirt that i was all too pleased to wear. They also wore their traditional nigeria outfits to the grad, which i must say, brought some much needed colour to the event. im so very proud of my parents and to see them proud of me was quite a awesome experience as well. check it out:

I'm for sure glad to be over and done with the MBA, and def ready to start reaping its benefits! I had some amazing lecturers who opened my eyes in ways i didnt realise they could open. I learned a great deal and can't wait to start imparting my knowledge on the world. watch out!

there's lots more that have happened in the last month, but this post has been long enough. plus i know i've kept you from weiner-gate long enough. more life-questioning, thought-searching views in the posts to come...

osama dies. so what?

 by now, i'm sure you've all heard "the news". i was awakened this morning by a friend who simply texted: "they finally got the man"! in a frantic panic, not knowing which "the man" he was referring to, I quickly checked my sources while texting back for further clarification. anyway, needless to say, it was no cause for real alarm. nonetheless it was big news. really big. but how big really? and whats the significance? obviously the significance to US politicians - obama's struggling image particularly - as well as the victims of 9/11 and those they left behind is huge. but is there any significance of this to me?

although no longer living in the states, i was around during 9/11 and the aftermath(s). with that i fully expected to feel something - anything - with this news. but to my surprise, i felt very little if anything at first. no big relief. no celebratory mood. no urgency to call family and friends. almost nothing. i think i was a little relieved that one of the more dangerous terrorists, one who cared little for human life, had been removed from the face of the earth. but it was an uneasy relief. knowing full well, this is was and is not a one man show. he leaves behind a whole army of young and old that follow his philosophy and values. he leaves behind a legacy followed, explicitly or implicitly, by countless political and religious leaders and millions of youth. i would love for his death to mean that that philosophy had received a serious blow to the nuts which would disable it from any thoughts of reproduction. but i would also like to believe that i will wake up tomorrow a multi-billionaire.

as i drove around today, i wondered why i hadnt felt the way i thought i should have. and i think it finally clicked. as with many emotional points of my life, i had somehow found a place to shove the memories of 9/11 and refused to let them out to surface. as i began to allow these thoughts to resurface, my mind went straight to the morning of 9/11. as i was leaving my dorm room for class that morning, i caught a glimpse, in the common room, of the same picture above of the twin towers being brought down. these images were played nonstop throughout the day. i remember my class that morning was one called "Present moral problems"- a modern philosophy course where we debated current and pressing issues that seldom had a right and wrong. that morning, no one knew what was going on, so the lecturer tried having a normal class, but quickly sent us out as people became more frantic. i remember speaking to friends from new york who couldn't reach their families on the phone to find out if they were alright. i remember comforting friends and classmates (i'm actually not sure what i said or couldve said in that situation). I remember the entire school gathering on the quad and holding candles and praying for those who lost their lives and whose families had been affected. forever. in a moment like no other -  a moment of solidarity and togetherness - i had never felt more american (with or without papers!). you sensed a feeling that we were in this together. we had a common enemy and that day, as the french president proclaimed, "we are all americans".

these thoughts remained with me for quite some time. i wanted revenge as much as i wanted justice; i wanted consolation for those who were left behind as much as i wanted those taken to rest in peace. i wanted a rebuilding of american values and identity as much as a tearing down of the hate and institutions that had propelled the terrorists.

those perhaps europhic feelings didn't last long as people went back to their normal lives, heeding the foolhearted advice of the foolhearted president who told us to simply "go shopping". columbine was supposed to unite schools against violence and teach students the values of acceptance and tolerance. it was supposed to open the eyes of teacher, student and administrator. it was supposed to entrench the words of mandela: never again! it fell far short of that. 9/11 was supposed to unite americans against violence and terrorism and teach to all the values of religious tolerance and the true meaning of being an american. it was supposed to be a moment when we all starred fear, injustice, hatred, intolerance, religious slavery with bold eyes and proclaim: never again! it again fell far short of that.

so as i thought more of the events today. i did eventually start to feel something. as the memories resurfaced, i couldn't help the chocking up that ultimately materialised. the memories of friends concerned for loved ones. of mates from new york recalling stories of near misses. of images of everyday heroes and heroines joining in the rubble of the twin towers to assist any way they could. i couldn't help but think: is this another opportunity to learn our lessons? if so, what lessons this time? i argue that we should strive to learn the same forgotten lessons of 10 years back. that we strive to shun violence and fundamentalism at its core. that we seek tolerance - in politics, in religion, in 'race', in thought, and otherwise. that we seek to find what unites us rather than scrape at what divides us. [i can start by replacing the "we" with an "I", i guess...] is that too much too hope for? i'm re-learning how to hope these days, but even I think it might be...


post-post: for more info about how 'the news' might impact the US, middle east, war on terror, etc...read Mr. Kristoff.

nigeria votes 2011: big day

in a few hours, nigerians go to to polls to vote in a new president and governors. so many things have happened since the start (or almost start) of the elections. there was the postponement, and then the 2nd postponement. the shellacking (in nigerian terms) of the ruling party in the parliamentary elections, and theres the collapse of one of the opposition party presidential candidates who many young people initially believed could bring about change. this was ribadu, the former chair of the anti-corruption agency. as i've mentioned in an earlier post, this guy completely turned me off when i watched him debate. i'm still impressed with the party and its organisation and seeming desire to deliver services in areas they control (like lagos), but im not at all convinced in the candidacy of mr ribadu. and apparently neither was he, as he and his party tried had to merge with another opposition, as theyve tried many times in the past. its all politics folks!

so at this moment, im feeling very proud and hopeful that things are happening in nigeria. im so inspired, not by politicians or empty promises, but the committed activity by ordinary nigerians who tweet and blog endlessly, given people like me a feeling like we were actually there. another journalist widely respected, christian purefoy, has set up a site and uploads videos and reports on whats happening. ive known about this guy for some time now and he's covered nigeria for several years and im constantly impressed with the way he covers nigeria and the sorts of stories he tells. stories that are not always the mainstream. i think i have a man-crush! keep up the good work. check out his site: http://christianpurefoy.tumblr.com/.

good luck nigeria. let change and development reign!

meet kristy and tayo

move over kate and william. theres a new hot royal couple! really, they're hot! and they're royalty!

stunning!

last weekend, i was honoured to be asked to be the best man at my brother's wedding. and it was a completely beautiful affair. the wedding was full of laughter, crying (quite a bit), some very pleasant surprises, some not so nice moments, more laughter, lots of emotions, and lots of love. leading up to the wedding, i actually tried not to think about it too much, because for those of you who know, it was a pretty emotional thing for me. I wasn't sure what to expect. Even trying to write and practice my best man toast was such a mission and emotionally draining that i put that off as well until the very last moment!

hole in 1? more like 100...

but alas, the wedding was totally beautiful. we had an amazing time. the mix of cultures with roots in africa, north america, asia, europe, etc was really an awesome sight and setting. i even played golf for the first time. ever. as my brother thought it would be a good idea to hit the course the morning of the wedding. it was. lots of fun. and the day couldnt have been more beautiful. oh, and the church was stunning, the photographer amazing, bridesmaids beautiful, the guests lovely, and on...

so, even though I've done some toasting of the couple already, I wanna do it again publicly. Here's to tayo and kristy! my big bro has always been a mentor, a guide, and a great example for me to emulate. I can see exactly what kristy sees in him and what he sees in her. they match. i can understand the countless people that came up to them to tell them what an inspiration they, individually and collectively, have been in their lives. I pray, and i know!, that you guys will continue to be more of an inspiration and light to those that are around you. I can't wait to watch you as you grow in your love and marriage. And please please please dont feel like you have to wait for those pikin's to start poppin' out! I want little nieces and nephews already! and i promise ill babysit - as long as you bring them over to SA first! 

she's really nigerian now!

keep livin, lovin, & laughin. here! here!

 

chillaxin'. too school for cool!

  

those kids can move!

nigeria votes 2011: bad start?

foremost, and with extreme jubilation, i can now announce that this blog has received an audience (a couple actually) in nigeria for the 1st time! what an achievement.

secondmost, and also with extreme jubilation, i just arrived in the us of A and spent an amazing 2 days in chicago. i really love this place! looking forward to the rest of my trip elsewhere and my foray into best-man-ing!

thirdmost, and not-so-jubil-ious, nigerian elections! so the 3 part elections were set to start on saturday, april 2. however, due to some ballot boxes not being received in certain locations, the decision was made to postpone the elections by a week. the new dates: parliamentary elections will be held on the 9th, presidential on the 16th, gubernatorial on the 22nd. about 15million people had already voted before the elections were postponed.

for the past couple of days and hrs, i've been gauging people's reactions to this on cyberspace and it aint pretty. granted, the sheer mention of postponement or hint of annulment or malpractice brings back ghost of past botched elections and stolen votes and disappointments. i get that. but, as i mentioned in my previous post, the chairman of the election commission is a widely respected man . based on that, i can't help but think he's a bit embarrased by how this has all started. that being said, it seems he would only postpone this if he was witnessing already some malpractices and things that were simply not right. the whole world is watching. nigerians are on the edge. he needs to get this right. im i being overly optimistic?

i think we, nigerians, should chill for a moment and give this some thought. yes, some say a developed country would have had a plan b and would not have allowed such a thing to happen. well, guess what?. nigeria aint a developed country. some say that we should expect more from our country already and stop lowering our expectations. well guess what? our expectations should be pretty low, seeing as nigeria has rarely held a valid and credible election, ever! lets take things a step at a time. in the US, hundreds if not more lawsuits get filed on and after election day citing malpractices. in the US, millions of people get disenfranchised and turned away from voting when they shouldve cast their votes. this is supposed to be the most matured democracy in our time. so lets face it shit always happens. elections will never be smooth. taking an extra week to get things righted is no problem for me. in fact take a month or so. whatever you need Dr. jega!

this site is awesome for following the latest: http://elections.234next.com/

soo impressed by this site: http://www.reclaimnaija.net/

and read about it here: http://blog.ushahidi.com/index.php/2011/03/30/using-the-ushahidi-platform-to-monitor-the-nigeria-elections-2011/comment-page-1/#comment-8522

and fourthmost, i will unfortunately/fortunately be following the nigerian elections for the next month. likely more so on my twitter page, so people are more than welcome to follow me on twitter. for those that care little about politics, i apologise in advance (again) and promise to return to the regularly scheduled programme in may! :)

nigerian votes 2011: fool me once, twice...

the nigerian elections are less than 2 weeks away. and of course we've begun to see the tell tale signs that people are ready to vote and votes are ready to be counted. those signs include pre-election violence (read: a bunch of hooligans, some paid by political parties, decide to reak havoc for their own good and hide under the cloak of fighting for democracy) and lots of ridiculous promises by politicians. so i wanted to briefly explore those promises and some hopes that make nigerians so hopeful that this time, this year, change is in the air!

i was watching a not-so-great debate of the top candidates - minus the top-est candidate, mr. goodluck - the other day and just noticed how completely full of hot air these politicians were. OK thats not really earth shattering news, politicians have never been known for substance anywhere in the world. But this was just to another level. I really believe that these men believed that they can fool nigerians over and over by their empty words and we would simply grin and take it, stick our asses in the air and ask for more. one was asked what he would do about the crisis in the energy industry and what specifically he would do. he responded something to the effect of "specifically, he would look into the problem"! are we nigerians that dumb to believe this sht? or is he that dumb to think we can be easily fooled? another said he would investigate the misuses of the past administrations. while admirable, id much rather a government thats forward looking that one that obsessively looks backwards and blames everyone from military, to the british, to the sun and the moon for all that ills nigeria. another does not know the difference between military dictatorships and democracy. yet another commented that he would set up committees upon committees to get to the root of the problem. ok. committees are nice and fact finding. wait. this is nigeria we're talking about. committees are yet another excuse to party and squander tax payers money.

i was very critical of mr. goodluck jonathan's - the noted academic - failure to join in the debate, but his actions seem to speak louder than a words on a stage can. that's the other tell tale sign of nigerian elections: the legislation and presidency begin (and i stress begin) to take action. for example, the year's budget was finally passed! never mind that every expert, nonexpert, reasonably minded and nonthinker knows that there's no way in heaven, hell or earth that that budget will be implemented or is even implementable. not to mention the gross domestic deficit it calls for. in other news, the government is finally planning on rolling out a gas policy that will allow the country to take advantage of the massive potential of gas generation and export. the govt also made a big hoopla about the train project which is nearing its end and would allow people to travel effortlessly around the country (and why dont we start with moving goods and providing enabling infrastructure for the necessary and free movement of goods??). the revised oil bill, due ages ago, looks like it might pass soon. the prez has promised millions of jobs within the next couple of years. etc. etc. the president, mr. goodluck himself, however, has not explained why the external reserves which he controls have dipped ridiculously low. but hey, we can't ask for a saint can we?

needless to say i'm completely uninspired by the candidates rolled out to lead this great conundrum of a country. but rather the devil you know than the devil you don't right? i'm starting to think a goodluck presidency (a legitimate one) could be good for the country. he would inspire a lot of youth from the south-south region - a region from where no president has ever hailed, even as it is largely responsible for the vast wealth of nigeria today. perhaps he would get some backbone and stop trying to please the granddaddies of politics and focus on the people. hey, one can only hope.

now back to the reason for most people's hope. the independent national electoral commission national chairman, mr jega. hand picked by mr goodluck. the good news is that unlike his immediate and past predecessors, mr. jega is widely respected and acknowledged as an honest, well meaning, hard working man of action. and he's shown that so far. i honestly have not heard 2 bad words about this man. nigerians, election observers (already in the country), and the international community are all up on this man's jock. so he must be doing something right. at times i worry tho, that the problems are so grave and ingrained (and largely beyond his control), and the expectations so high. he cannot stop people from engaging in violent acts. he cannot stop political parties from employing thugs to vandalise and intimidate. but he has set up his organisation to represent his values. he's set up special courts for election cases to be resolved faster than normal. he's fired those within inec that are not in line with his values, he's run a successful voter registration. etc. etc. i wish this man the best. but i also caution against unreasonably high expectations for one man (see: b-obama).

ultimately, im left asking what will be considered success for nigeria's elections? ive admittedly lowered my expectations in all areas regarding my country. i dont expect much and i enjoy being pleasantly surprised when something good happens. so what are the election observers looking for to call this election good, free, or fair? will it be relative to other failed elections in nigeria? or compared against the beeming electioneering experts of our good neghbour, cote d'ivoire? will nigerians stand up and refuse to be fooled or taking as fools one more time? will we take after ken saro wiwa and wole soyinka and take to the streets? its all coming up in the days of our nigeria! this should be a good one. stay tuned!

love lost

my dad told me a story once. not sure why he told me this, but it was one of those rare times when he decided that i was grown enough now that he could speak to me as an adult and talk a bit about his past. his story was about what happened right before he decided that my mom was the one for him. there was apparently another lady that my pops had his eye on and i guess whom he had been hangin out with (or whatever they did back in the day!). So right before he decided my mom was "the one", he had to settle his feelings about this lady. so he went to her to tell her how he felt and see how she felt about spending the rest of his life with him. according to him, he was quite unsure about this move and about his relationship with this lady in general, as his friends were also not sold that the lady was the right one. so he got to this lady's place and they had a nice little chat during which she told him that she was also seeing someone else and the guy had asked her to marry him and she had accepted.

my dad often stops there? im then left wondering how he felt with that shocker from the lady. was he heart broken? as a christian man, did he feel that it simply wasnt meant to be and that God would provide the right "one" at his time? did he try to convince her to take him instead? did he walk away with his pride? head held high? did he regret being too late?

so i asked him some of these questions recently and his response was that he was ok with her response. he wasn't sure if she was the right one anyway, and her response just sealed the fact that she wasn't. so he was just happy with the closure. hmm... i guess hindsight is always 20-20. i wonder if he wouldve responded the same way 33 years ago coming back from the lady's house after being utterly rejected. a man's pride is a well-guarded and treasured artifact.

why did i think of this story from my dad? and why now? well, i was talking to a friend a week or so ago and he told me a story that sounded so similar and as he got more emotional about his encounter with this girl, i remembered this story from my dad and subsequently gave up on trying to find an answer to his questions. after giving it some more thought tho, i actually think the questions that such encounters pose are far more worthwhile exploring and allowing to simmer in the deep centres of our minds than simply an answer that may not embrace the intricacies of the situation. my friend was going through what a lot of men have probably gone through. here he was, just after having poured his heart out to a girl he was crazy about and being utterly rejected. how does he deal with that? i'd heard him speak about this girl so many times and he must have been closer to in love with this girl than he's been with any girl he'd spoken about in the past. the problem was that this girl, although a friend, apparently knew nothing of his love and was busy carrying on with her life. he had somehow convinced himself that she felt the same way and that additionally brought him to an edge of self-despair, regret, and hurt. i'd seen this guy through a lot in the short time i'd known him, but never had i seen him in such a state. the power and hold that women can and often do hold on us guys is real and immense!

as this guy wept and i brewed over our conversation, i began to ask myself some of those same questions that he was wondering as well. when do you know when the one is the one? how can you keep from regretting decisions made in the past? when do you hold on and how do you know when to let go? how far do you go to convince the "one" that she belongs to you and you to her? after all that convincing, assuming you win in the contest, will there be more pressure to perform? how much/far do you chase? do you just do as my dad and brush it off as something not meant to be, or do you try relentlessly? maybe God knows better than us and she's not as perfect for you as you once thought? for how long does this feeling of hopelessness, despair and loss last? how do you guard from having that love become a lost love?

was this normal for my friend to go through? i thought so. but it was painful for him. i think it still is painful. but we all grow from each experience we face. and my word of the wise (tho he probably didnt want to hear it) was that "the one" is the one we decide/choose is the one. therefore there would be many more opportunities to meet another "the one". (if anyone has better and wiser words, pls let me know!). i hope i'm right! i could feel the hurt in him.

on a completely unrelated note, i'm currently listening to a tiiii-te tune that is definitely worth checking out! i've had it on repeat now for a couple hrs!

~The Garden~