osama dies. so what?

 by now, i'm sure you've all heard "the news". i was awakened this morning by a friend who simply texted: "they finally got the man"! in a frantic panic, not knowing which "the man" he was referring to, I quickly checked my sources while texting back for further clarification. anyway, needless to say, it was no cause for real alarm. nonetheless it was big news. really big. but how big really? and whats the significance? obviously the significance to US politicians - obama's struggling image particularly - as well as the victims of 9/11 and those they left behind is huge. but is there any significance of this to me?

although no longer living in the states, i was around during 9/11 and the aftermath(s). with that i fully expected to feel something - anything - with this news. but to my surprise, i felt very little if anything at first. no big relief. no celebratory mood. no urgency to call family and friends. almost nothing. i think i was a little relieved that one of the more dangerous terrorists, one who cared little for human life, had been removed from the face of the earth. but it was an uneasy relief. knowing full well, this is was and is not a one man show. he leaves behind a whole army of young and old that follow his philosophy and values. he leaves behind a legacy followed, explicitly or implicitly, by countless political and religious leaders and millions of youth. i would love for his death to mean that that philosophy had received a serious blow to the nuts which would disable it from any thoughts of reproduction. but i would also like to believe that i will wake up tomorrow a multi-billionaire.

as i drove around today, i wondered why i hadnt felt the way i thought i should have. and i think it finally clicked. as with many emotional points of my life, i had somehow found a place to shove the memories of 9/11 and refused to let them out to surface. as i began to allow these thoughts to resurface, my mind went straight to the morning of 9/11. as i was leaving my dorm room for class that morning, i caught a glimpse, in the common room, of the same picture above of the twin towers being brought down. these images were played nonstop throughout the day. i remember my class that morning was one called "Present moral problems"- a modern philosophy course where we debated current and pressing issues that seldom had a right and wrong. that morning, no one knew what was going on, so the lecturer tried having a normal class, but quickly sent us out as people became more frantic. i remember speaking to friends from new york who couldn't reach their families on the phone to find out if they were alright. i remember comforting friends and classmates (i'm actually not sure what i said or couldve said in that situation). I remember the entire school gathering on the quad and holding candles and praying for those who lost their lives and whose families had been affected. forever. in a moment like no other -  a moment of solidarity and togetherness - i had never felt more american (with or without papers!). you sensed a feeling that we were in this together. we had a common enemy and that day, as the french president proclaimed, "we are all americans".

these thoughts remained with me for quite some time. i wanted revenge as much as i wanted justice; i wanted consolation for those who were left behind as much as i wanted those taken to rest in peace. i wanted a rebuilding of american values and identity as much as a tearing down of the hate and institutions that had propelled the terrorists.

those perhaps europhic feelings didn't last long as people went back to their normal lives, heeding the foolhearted advice of the foolhearted president who told us to simply "go shopping". columbine was supposed to unite schools against violence and teach students the values of acceptance and tolerance. it was supposed to open the eyes of teacher, student and administrator. it was supposed to entrench the words of mandela: never again! it fell far short of that. 9/11 was supposed to unite americans against violence and terrorism and teach to all the values of religious tolerance and the true meaning of being an american. it was supposed to be a moment when we all starred fear, injustice, hatred, intolerance, religious slavery with bold eyes and proclaim: never again! it again fell far short of that.

so as i thought more of the events today. i did eventually start to feel something. as the memories resurfaced, i couldn't help the chocking up that ultimately materialised. the memories of friends concerned for loved ones. of mates from new york recalling stories of near misses. of images of everyday heroes and heroines joining in the rubble of the twin towers to assist any way they could. i couldn't help but think: is this another opportunity to learn our lessons? if so, what lessons this time? i argue that we should strive to learn the same forgotten lessons of 10 years back. that we strive to shun violence and fundamentalism at its core. that we seek tolerance - in politics, in religion, in 'race', in thought, and otherwise. that we seek to find what unites us rather than scrape at what divides us. [i can start by replacing the "we" with an "I", i guess...] is that too much too hope for? i'm re-learning how to hope these days, but even I think it might be...


post-post: for more info about how 'the news' might impact the US, middle east, war on terror, etc...read Mr. Kristoff.

love lost

my dad told me a story once. not sure why he told me this, but it was one of those rare times when he decided that i was grown enough now that he could speak to me as an adult and talk a bit about his past. his story was about what happened right before he decided that my mom was the one for him. there was apparently another lady that my pops had his eye on and i guess whom he had been hangin out with (or whatever they did back in the day!). So right before he decided my mom was "the one", he had to settle his feelings about this lady. so he went to her to tell her how he felt and see how she felt about spending the rest of his life with him. according to him, he was quite unsure about this move and about his relationship with this lady in general, as his friends were also not sold that the lady was the right one. so he got to this lady's place and they had a nice little chat during which she told him that she was also seeing someone else and the guy had asked her to marry him and she had accepted.

my dad often stops there? im then left wondering how he felt with that shocker from the lady. was he heart broken? as a christian man, did he feel that it simply wasnt meant to be and that God would provide the right "one" at his time? did he try to convince her to take him instead? did he walk away with his pride? head held high? did he regret being too late?

so i asked him some of these questions recently and his response was that he was ok with her response. he wasn't sure if she was the right one anyway, and her response just sealed the fact that she wasn't. so he was just happy with the closure. hmm... i guess hindsight is always 20-20. i wonder if he wouldve responded the same way 33 years ago coming back from the lady's house after being utterly rejected. a man's pride is a well-guarded and treasured artifact.

why did i think of this story from my dad? and why now? well, i was talking to a friend a week or so ago and he told me a story that sounded so similar and as he got more emotional about his encounter with this girl, i remembered this story from my dad and subsequently gave up on trying to find an answer to his questions. after giving it some more thought tho, i actually think the questions that such encounters pose are far more worthwhile exploring and allowing to simmer in the deep centres of our minds than simply an answer that may not embrace the intricacies of the situation. my friend was going through what a lot of men have probably gone through. here he was, just after having poured his heart out to a girl he was crazy about and being utterly rejected. how does he deal with that? i'd heard him speak about this girl so many times and he must have been closer to in love with this girl than he's been with any girl he'd spoken about in the past. the problem was that this girl, although a friend, apparently knew nothing of his love and was busy carrying on with her life. he had somehow convinced himself that she felt the same way and that additionally brought him to an edge of self-despair, regret, and hurt. i'd seen this guy through a lot in the short time i'd known him, but never had i seen him in such a state. the power and hold that women can and often do hold on us guys is real and immense!

as this guy wept and i brewed over our conversation, i began to ask myself some of those same questions that he was wondering as well. when do you know when the one is the one? how can you keep from regretting decisions made in the past? when do you hold on and how do you know when to let go? how far do you go to convince the "one" that she belongs to you and you to her? after all that convincing, assuming you win in the contest, will there be more pressure to perform? how much/far do you chase? do you just do as my dad and brush it off as something not meant to be, or do you try relentlessly? maybe God knows better than us and she's not as perfect for you as you once thought? for how long does this feeling of hopelessness, despair and loss last? how do you guard from having that love become a lost love?

was this normal for my friend to go through? i thought so. but it was painful for him. i think it still is painful. but we all grow from each experience we face. and my word of the wise (tho he probably didnt want to hear it) was that "the one" is the one we decide/choose is the one. therefore there would be many more opportunities to meet another "the one". (if anyone has better and wiser words, pls let me know!). i hope i'm right! i could feel the hurt in him.

on a completely unrelated note, i'm currently listening to a tiiii-te tune that is definitely worth checking out! i've had it on repeat now for a couple hrs!

~The Garden~

a wild adventure

“Deep in man’s heart are some fundamental questions that simply cannot be answered at the kitchen table. Who am I? What am I made of? What am I destined for? It is fear that keeps a man at home where things are neat and orderly and under his control. But the answers to his deepest questions are not to be found on television or in the refrigerator...Don’t climb on that, don’t break anything, don’t be so aggressive, don’t be so noisy, don’t be so messy, don’t make such crazy risks. But God’s design – which he placed in boys as the picture of himself – is a resounding yes. Be fierce, be wild, be passionate.”

Those are the words of john eldredge writing in the book: "wild at heart". I remember reading this book a while ago and really hating the stereotypical characterisations of "a man". I didn't really buy what he was saying, then. But the more i think about it and the more i pass through life, i realise how true some of his words are.

With that in mind, I went on a wild adventure a few days before I started work last week. I envisioned sitting by some water (even if i dont swim in it!), chillaxing, reading a book or newspaper, pondering the meaning of life, and trying to psyche myself into being positive about work. well, i didn't exactly get that; instead i got this:

now you may be saying, but folu, that looks very relaxing, chilling on a boat in the water. well i was in the water, sailing for 3 days, but i definitely was not relaxing. that look that you can't really decipher on my face is the "i-am-so-shit-scared-i-could-poop-my-pants" look. oh, and what you also cannot see is that the boat was at that time angled at 70degrees to the water (of course 90degrees and we would be swallowing water). my mentor and friend, nick (whose boat this was) thought it would be a good idea for me to steer the boat. so i did most of the steering while nick relaxed under the hood! thats some faith! this is nick:

i wasn't always scared shitless tho. i did enjoy most of the time. my inability to swim notwithstanding, i steered like a pro and learned all sorts of sailing terms and commands like "trim your sails" and "release the jib" and set the sails to the steering" and "sailing too close to the wind", etc. we ended up sailing to different spots along the river and camping or sleeping on the boat wherever we stopped. i even jumped in the water to swim. we talked about nothing and everything and even got super adventurous once and decided to follow our ears to find a waterfall (no path or map involved). about an hour later we arrived here!

[i debated posting this pic, but i went ahead anyway, because im positive none of y'all will make any silly remarks about how i need to lose weight. badly. which i already know!]

at the end of the trip, tho, i can say that it was truly relaxing, while at the same time not so relaxing. i was tense a lot, especially when in rough waters, but i felt so relaxed sitting/lying there, reading, talking to nick about very real and deep topics, unloading and being unloaded upon, sipping coffee non-stop, watching stars and sunsets, enjoying fish as they flip-flopped in and out of the water, listening to the non-stop crying of crickets and the dog-like barking of baboons, being seduces by the sound of crashing waves and flowing waterfalls. i found new definitions of beauty.

anyway, i sincerely recommend a trip like this to anyone, especially guys. it actually made me so ready to conquer anything, especially work. it also left my skin peeling everywhere, cuz i was so sure black people like me don't sunburnt (i was wrong, again!). guys, we need to find the adventure in us and even though i dunno if/when i'll do something like this again, i was awakened to the love of the outdoors that i've had (but which i'd surpressed) since i was a child. I can't wait for my next adventure. in the meantime, few more pics.

top-10 things on my mind for 2011

so we're now 8 days into the new year; hope everyone's 2011 is going just as planned - exciting, adventurous, refreshing, etc... mine is going amazingly as i'm still on holiday and i doing what i like, getting back in touch with old mates (many of whom i'd neglected for a year), reading, writing, watching movies, and looking forward to 2 road trips before i start the rigours of work again. why can't i find someone to pay me for this all year??

this post may seem a bit disjointed, but i have a lot going on in my head and i'm using this as my medium (just ur luck!). so to hark back to my old ways a bit, herewith your first top-10 list for 2011. really its more like top-10 things of whats currently on my mind (and in absolutely random order).

10: new years resolutions. the never ending question/ easy icebreaker for the first week of the year. so, how many do you have? or more importantly, how many have you already broken? or, theoretically, do you believe in new years resolutions? i don't really know why this has become a belief over the years; new-agey people are quite famous for the response: "i don't make new years resolutions", or rather, "i don't believe in such things". whether u believe it or not, tough. most people make plans, so whether u do it for a day, week, month, year, etc, chances are you're planning on doing something(s) this year. that, my friend, is a new year's resolution, ka-pish? so i do believe in new years resolutions. so how many have i broken? none!...mainly because in my mind the new years resolution calendar for me hasnt started. still in holiday mode, remember?!

9. new years resolutions(2). mine. i've got quite a few of them actually. i wont mention all of them, but i plan on being more active/sporty. this includes soccer, tennis, squash, cycling, and the occasional gym-ing. i also plan on blogging more regularly (you should expect to see a blog every week...thinking fridays or saturdays or sundays...which means you should be checking this space more often, putting it in your favourites, putting it in your blog feed, etc...). i also plan on resuming my fetish with road trips! the more the merrier. and other resolutions i'll make up as i go along. if you don't have any resolutions, i suggest you check out this list of top 41 places to go in 2011...its inspirational!

http://travel.nytimes.com/2011/01/09/travel/09where-to-go.html?pagewanted=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=tha210

8. last years resolutions. i took a look at what my resolutions were in 2010 for shits and giggles, and noticed that i barely got a 50% mark. for those too far removed from school, this means that i barely completed half of what i resolved to do at the beginning of the year. my resolutions included getting my mba (check), enjoying the world cup to the fullest (ok check), being a "man of my words" (ok check), being more disciplined (fail), and doing more outdoors (fail...mostly...tho i did some ultimate frisbee (once) and touch rugby (a few times)). not a whopping success, but im cool with that. just have more to add to my 2011 resolutions.

what a year of african football! i was there!

7. joburg. im finally back to the city of gold, the promised land, the land of flowing honey and butter and malls... so, riddle. how do you know you've arrived in joburg? when u need to go to a mall to do everything that needs to be done (banking, eating, mailing, hair cutting, chilaxing...). you know you've arrived when it rains and all of a sudden you see potholes like never before. you've arrived in joburg when every possible window or door or opening in a house or apt is preceeded by burglar bars. finally, you really know you're in joburg when people show off their beautiful lavish homes with 12 meter tall fences topped by broken glass, topped by electric wiring and fencing, with a private guard and 2 dogs trained to tear human flesh at first sight. then if you manage to step inside the gate, you find yet another set of walls and electric fences and private security system to protect each room of the house. to be fair, on the flip side, you've got some of the friendliest people, the warmest friends, the best places to chill and just hang out. i really love this city!

6. cape town. despite my groanings about this city, i truly believe, in terms of sights and sounds, it is among the 10 or 5 most beautiful places in the world (at least that ive seen). mountains on one side, oceans on the other, driving at sunset, walking on the beach, waking up to see the sunrise on top of a mountain, there's few places better than this. and almost everywhere you go presents a kodak moment.

5. US. i had a very nice christmas here in sa. but i really wanted a white christmas; its been too long since ive seen snow. of course its not all its cracked up to be, but even if you've lived in snow all your life, the sight of fresh snow on the ground (before the snow trucks and the sand and salt) is still an awesome one. like this:

4. sudan. tomorrow, southern sudanese go to the polls to decide on their future. i'm really intrigued by this and i think it will be the beginning of relative peace and progress for the country and the region. it wont be all smoothe and the election probably will have some irreglarities, but i hope and pray that all in all, things go well and southern sudan can soon begin to celebrate its independence and learn to govern themselves in revolutionary and innovative ways and teach africa a thing or two. a lot to ask for, but i've been criticised for being too big of a cynic so heres to trying to regain a bit of my youthful hope-filled days.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-12070034

worth reading. edu-ma-cate urselves.

3. cote d'ivoire. 2 concurrent governments? one being run out of a hotel? head-of-government-turned-tyrant? flawed elections? ignorance of people's will? stubbornness to leave office? failed legacy? return to turmoil? yet another set back? does africa ever learn? more importantly do the dim-witted people that govern many african nations ever learn from the past (note i refuse to call these guys and lads leaders)? what happened to the will of the people? what happened to a government for the people? helping those that cannot help themselves? leading progress and innovation, championing democracy, transparency, and good governance? isnt it past due time for some semblance of credible civil society to rise up?!

2. nigeria. never a dull moment. elections set for april with goodluck, maybe, as the leading candidate?? i'm in no mood for puns, but what a great name, mr. goodluck! in all seriousness plenty is riding on this election. nigeria could have a relatively free and fair election and choose a leader from a region that has never produced a president and that has been largely marginalised even though it provides most of the revenue for the country. or it could go the route of the past and have a shambled election filled with more violence and vote rigging and greed than ever before. obviously there's a lot of grey in between. hoping for the best.

1. look all around; theres nothing, but...newness. more than 3 years into my ubuntu adventures, and im finally sick of my blog template. so it's changed! hope you like it. if you don't lemme know and i may or may not listen to your suggestions. there will be more minor changes to come and i may or may not note them as they come. also important, i'm embarking on a project which may produce other new things this year. more to come on that. be sure to *watch this space*!

Happy YOMU!

As i write this, i'm sitting at the airport, awaiting what seems too much like the closure of a concluding chapter in this breath-taking city. A closure - it seems or perhaps i hope - to the most challenging year of my life, personally and professionally, to one of the most difficult, distressing and stressful years thus far, and yet, also to my best and most rewarding year so far (they only keep getting better).

So what happened this year to give it such vivid characterisations and what could i possibly be looking forward to next year? the answers to those questions are not as easy as making a wishlist of resolutions and/or annoyances during the year. the last couple of weeks have allowed me the opportunity to reflect on the "year of african football" (YAF) and what i actually gained from it. granted i didn't exactly take every opportunity to reflect during this period, i had to have some fun and relish the ability to step outside of the business school to finally explore the city as well. which i did. the little reflection that i did has led me to some interesting realisations and conclusions - most importantly of which is the need to do more reflection before i get enthralled and enGROSSed in work life (note the added emPHAsis!).

I battled a bit with how to organise this post. was gonna do something like a laundry list of "the goods, bads, and uglies" cuz of course i like lists, but decided against just that. i'm still doing a list of goods bads and uglies, but what i realised is that most things that happened during the year, not unlike any other event, ultimately has good, bad, and ugly sides. so here goes: reflections on the year of the mba.

mba. i'll start with the most obvious.

• the good: i got an mba. and in one year. and wrote a thesis that i enjoyed and am actually proud of. i met lots of fascinating people, made lots of connections, and embarked on a handful of what will hopefully be lifelong and diverse friendships. and a few very deep ones too. i'm not gonna mention any names, but i think/hope you know who you are and you know that i truly treasure our relationship and the times we're shared and desperately look forward to much more. not sure if that's what i expected when i started this year, but that's what i got and it's good.
• the bad: a bit of a transition year for the school which led to some failures from and disappointments with the staff and faculty. nothing major here.
• the ugly: hmm, reaching here...the year did go super fast and hardly had time to breathe. some of the lecturers were ugly too :P

cape town.

• the good: the city is seriously one of the most beautiful cities I've seen in the world. and i think i've been to some pretty beautiful cities. sunshine, beach, water, mountains, hikes, swimming (rather dipping my legs in the water!), long drives, nature...i learned the true definition of the term "chill-axing"!
• the bad: i was stuck at school most of the time and didn't really get a chance to explore all aspects of the city. but there's always next year...and the year after!
• the ugly: as beautiful as the city is, a quick drive to the other side of the mountain shows how depressingly poor it is and the all too vivid divide between the haves and the have-nots. likewise, unfortunately, a quick drive or walk down the street also reminds you of how backward and often racist the city can be as well. those experiences are well documented and i'll leave it at that.

friends (those i had before the YAF).

• the good: i couldn't ask for more understanding friends as i have. i told them when i was leaving joburg at the end of last year that i would be pretty MIA for the year. i don't think they believed me. but they quickly learned that i wasnt joking. and ultimately had no hard feelings (well none that i'm aware of anyway). don't worry people, 2011 will be the year of making up (YOMU!..i think; got a good ring to it)
• the bad: - see below -
• the ugly: too many losses. 2 of my friends passed away unexpectedly this year. One, Dr. LeVine was my mentor from university and the other one, David, a dear friend - one of the very first people i met - in joburg. Dr. LeVine lived a long and well acomplished life and taught me a whole lot. David lived for 27 years, the final 3 battling severe cancer, but made no less of an impact on me. I thought Dr. LeVine's death hit me pretty hard until I found out about David and someone discovered tears and wails and sorrow to a degree i had never experienced within me. attending david's funeral was also difficult. the open casket, ugly. the parents and siblings almost fainting and weeping incessantly, ugly. the mom, constantly begging where they've taken her son and pleading for some miracle, perhaps for him to come back, fully healed (?), ugly. death is ugly. but it doesn't have to remain that way and certainly does not have to be a finality or a conclusion. for David, i'm sure it represented a much needed, even prayed-for, relief and ending to the immense pain and suffering he was going through. For his family and friends, we're left with fond memories and regrets, what ifs and could've beens, and, most importantly, lessons learnt from David's life. in short david lived (and infested others he was close to) with a deep sense of simplicity, a keen love and care for others, and for God. his short 27 years were not a waste. he used them to the fullest. and in the process managed to leave a lasting legacy on those he came in contact with.

family.

• the good: my family's always good. kind of! always supportive, helpful, faithful, and certainly never dull!
• the bad: - see below -
• the ugly: phew, I could spend the next couple posts on this. heh, just joking mom and dad. anyway, in all seriousness there are major things going on in my family that i will not post here, but that have drained my energy, tested my faith, and at times tested my patience and sanity. i feel that more than ever things are piling up and i dont see a clear solution of end in sight. for someone that seeks clarity out of complex and relishes control, this is not good. this year, i believe, was the most trying year in my family since i've known them as family. so if you're a praying person, pray along with me. don't ask what you must pray for because frankly i don't even know. if you're not such a person, try it!

2010. Ke Na Ko!

• the good: one of the reasons, if not the reason, that i came to south africa was for the world cup. it came. it was amazing to see some matches and the spirit (gees) brought by all sorts of fans descending on this country, this continent, many for the very first time. I WAS THERE!
• the bad: umm...take a look at me grades for that month. yikes...
• the ugly: what are we gonna do with the stadiums and costs??

i'm sure there's lots more i could write about, but i think this post (which i started with the clear intention of keeping short and concise) has gone on for long enough. so 2010 was a trying and challenging year in ways that supercede the mba or the classroom or the seminar room. in fact, the mba at times became my refuge - the least of my problems and a place to hide and get away from the real problems in life. but in all my experiences i learned to appreciate life (mine and others), to care more for others and be more keenly involved in the lives of those around me, i learned to keep asking questions and keep seeking answers, to trust and hope, to deal with failure and mistakes and learn and move on, i learned to battle and fight in my search. and im not done learning (still at least 12 hours to go!).

2011. YOMU?!

In the end, i don't think this moment is a concluding chapter; rather part of the opening credits. I look forward to what 2011 has in store and so many more adventures, of the ubuntu-nature or otherwise, to come. i look forward to taking the lessons of 2010 and applying them to the year of making up (YOMU? I'll keep working on that one).

In Kiritimati, it's already 2011, so happy new years guys. To the rest of the world, enjoy your eve and may the new year bring lots of blessings, happiness, fond memories, and of course lasting adventures and unshakable bonds.