blog(ger) identity crisis

this blog is going through an identity crisis. this blogger is going through an ideas crisis. a crisis, not to be confused with a block. see a mental block only last for a few hours, days, weeks. a crisis, on the other hand, is a symptom of something much deeper, stemming from lack of desire, lack of passion, or simply just a lack. of everything. sounds pretty sad (read: lame) doesnt it? but in the spirit of glass-half-full, i may just stick to what some of my friends have been saying to appease me. to them, its a lack of time, i.e. working taking too much of my time or im so interested and involved in so many things that its hard to focus. suuure. i'll buy that. for a minute.

i've written a couple times about identity crises amongst my friends and how much a loathe the feeling of inadequacy based on failure to identify with one sole group of people (although admittedly a very real feeling). but what about a blog identity crisis? how does one get past that? in finding possible answers, perhaps its worth looking through the history of this blog. so thats exactly what i'm gonna do.

(by the way, this may not be interesting to most people, but its a bit therapeutic for me). i wrote that preceding caveat before thinking of what i was writing. but it actually brings me to my first point. when i started this blog, it was really entirely about me. my adventures in the "mother country" of south africa coming from the states with my western education and western world view, funny accent and funny way of dressing. i wanted a way to connect with people in the states, without writing individual or mass emails. i wanted to share my experiences, photos of wild afreeka, adventures and thoughts. i wanted to keep in touch. lay hold of the memories for one day when i return (then the plan was a 2yr stay!).

now things have changed a bit. 1, i don't know when i'll return anymore. i've fallen in love with south africa and its many many faults. but my first love, the US, can never be forgotten and is always there, waiting for me. my other first love, nigeria, albeit a forgotten love, or a back seat lover, or a mistress - open for quick firey affairs every now and then - lies waiting as well. or maybe its time to try on another strange lover? anyway, back to the blog...the blog shifted at some time to not simply discuss my adventures, but a bit about my views on different topics. another metamorphosis occurred when i realised that my stubborn views are not always the right ones (or the only right ones), so i skewed this blog to more so questioning many things, inviting readers to assert their views, to contribute to my learning and expansion of my knowledge. i acknowledged that there are many things that i dont know. i have a view on many/most things, but mostly i use that as a starting point for discussion, a way to bring others in to influence my views or me their's. a true debate. when i wasnt entirely satisfied with the learning from the blog, i joined the scary world of twitter - in search of the lost art of debate and shaping views through exposure to different sides of the same story (chimamanda  adichie would call that the dangers of a single story).

the recounting of the history of this blog leads to one realisation. its always been about me. whether explicitly or implicitly, even as i invited others to join in the conversation. i wrote about me or about what i did or what i enjoy(ed) or what i thought. but this begs the question: is that a bad thing? many topical blogs or newspaper opinion pieces may not be explicitly about the author; however, implicitly they tell the story of what the author likes to write about, how he/she thinks, what his/her views or stances are on important issues. its pretty boring to write a story with no slant or no bias, isnt it.

but alas, this is where i stand. do i continue a self-gratifying blog about me, cuz u know who doesnt wanna hear about my life. continue questioning ideas and thoughts and inviting others' views (i must admit i like this kind of engagement). do a choose a couple/few topics that really interest me and harp on those (entrepreneurship, african development, politics, baseball (!), e.g.). i dont have an answer. this blog is in an identity crisis.