ate cake...at a wedding

well, i didn't really eat cake. there was a wedding (bride and groom above), and i got to do whats becoming one of my favorite activities - take a little road trip. so ~5hrs after we left jo-burg, there i was in a village outside of polokwane in the limpopo region called uitkyk (pronounced "ate-cake"). weird afrikaans language. [i'd like to take a moment now to send a shout out to my baby - my car - for all its hard work and endurance. tho i complain a lot about my baby, she managed about 50km on dirt, gravel, and very bumpy roads and never once gave up...thats committment!]

anyway, back to the wedding. i was very honoured actually that my friend invited me to his wedding. it was my first of the kind. it wasn't a white, wedding, but the traditional wedding; the celebration that comes after the groom has paid the lobola (bride price), which he did the saturday morning in joburg before heading to limpopo. after lots of celebration and chatting and dancing and eating, i gathered my thoughts and decided that i actually learned quite a lot in one night. here's a sampling (in no particular order):

1. i still have a problem with the whole bride price/dowry thing. if u talk to older people, they'll tell you of the tradition that it symbolises appreciation by the grooms family that the wife's family is allowing "a potential bread weaner" to leave the home. or that its supposed to help with the wedding activities and planning. or something like that. the historical and symbolic meaning is fine, but in reality, today, its turned into something of a money-making or cow-acquiring scheme. this is not the point i want to make tho. the point is that thru all the traditions and customs, one thing was clear: the couple loved and admired each other. and they would honour their parents and uncles and aunts wishes (of adhering to tradition and custom) if they have to in order to be together. and they had fun!

2. i'm not ready to get married yet. yep. thats it. too hectic for me.

3. a cow's head/nose is not all that bad! i had another first. the morning after the wedding, its customary to cook the head of the cow (whose body we all ate the night before). so being a good african, i joined in and just happened to grab the nose. i was told that it was the best part of the head, but im not sure thats saying much. it actually was pretty good. except for when i thought about the fact that i was eating a flipping cow's head.

4. many south african blacks are as racist as the whites, but refuse to admit it. i had a running huge debate with some extremely well educated blacks who felt that if whites hate blacks as a general rule, its racism, but if blacks hate whites as a general rule, its not racism. it cant be. cuz they (blacks) have a reason to hate. i don't buy that at all. in all the definitions of racism or racial discrimination, i haven't come across one that excuses one racial group from the curse of racism. and it is just that, a curse. on humanity. on the other hand, i think i can understand just a little bit of how black south africans feel. they feel that their land was grabbed from them and never returned. that they received political freedom while they were told to just forgive and forget decades of oppression and racism. they feel that the perpetrators and those who still today benefit from the apartheid regime never fully paid for their crimes. some feel that nelson mandela sold them out by not having by not demanding much more in the liberation negotiations. they feel robbed. south africa is still a very messed up place...it just sometimes takes a wedding and few laughs and alcohol and a bunch of guys talking politics to bring some of that out into the open. as an outsider tho, i'm much more hopeful.

5. i really like road trips. did i mention that already. and i like good company.

enjoy the pics:

whats in a church?

i love my church. i love real people. esp. i love real christians. my church seems to have a lot of them. i think everyone should go to my church. everyone in sa who wants to know how real reconciliation should be done should go to my church. they're not perfect; in fact, not even close. and its this realisation that allows them to be real and brutally honest. to be broken. sweetly broken. and embrace healing. it allows them (blacks, whites, indians, foreigners, etc) to confess that theyre racist, and at the same time joke and laugh about racism. it allows them to shun divorce and yet actively embrace divorcees. Etc...

Welcome back trevor (church pastor); we've missed you.

independence schm-indepedence. potential my foot.

a long time ago, i swore to slit my throat if i hear another person usher the words potential and nigeria in the same sentence. ok, i didn't really swear to it. and happily, i haven't carried it out. but this past week saw a lot of nigeria and potential talk.

it was nigeria's independence last thursday and the annual parade of articles and op-eds began, lamenting the fact that there's hardly anything to celebrate, while tirade-ing on the vast potential that lies in the future for the country, ready to be tapped. brief tangent: i've been a baseball fan for some time now, and whenever scouts and coaches start talking of potential of a player, you should run away, quickly. for some reason or another, potential seems to underlie something that others think they see in someone/some entity that somehow rarely ever seems to materialise. this counldnt be more true in the case of nigeria.

since i can remember, people have been talking about this ubiquitous potential that will be untapped at any moment now. most people my parents generation will look forward to the days when the current generation dies away and paves the way to newer set of leaders my age (conveniently forgetting that people my age tend to learn from people their age, while perfecting the art of taking as much from the country for themselves and giving back the absolute bare minimum). honestly, i once fell into this trap as well, professing that change was on its way! and even writing an op-ed piece in a local newspaper about how/why nigeria continues to fly when all indicators suggest it should have collapsed a long time ago (like a bumblebee). nowadays, i must admit i'm not so hopeful, but all hope is not yet lost. it cannot be. without hope what is there?

independence day meant little to me this year. besides so good naija cooking and a chance to catch up with some friends, it didnt really mean that much to me. in a sense, i think i didnt want to celebrate the day because it would make me truly assess the situation of the country. and that, my friends, is not pretty. from violence in the niger delta, to militants laying down their arms somehow (also suspicious...why would they do this? whats the government giving them in return? what closed door deals are going on to keep ordinary nigerians begging for food at the end of the day?), to the normalcy of power cuts and blackouts, to the smog generating from generators, to universities striking for the 30975623rd time (ensuring that my age mates are still struggling to finish university), to the stock market devaluing by nearly 60% over the last year and a half...things arent pretty. of course, theres always signs that optimists point to to argue for nigeria's come back, like the brain gain thats continuing with educated and successful people moving back to nigeria to start or run businesses or the laying down of arms by militants (tho with unknown pre-conditions), but i fail to see how these alone will turn a country like nigeria around.

but i love nigerians. as one independence day article that my mom sent me stated: if theres one thing to celebrate, its the achievement and the perseverance of nigerians. this cannot be denied. ex: i got an email from a friend of mine in nigeria, one of those age mates still stuck in the smelly cesspit known as nigerian universities. after going on a tirade about how bad and hopeless things are at the moment, he ends the email saying that we must be happy, hopeful and responsible. 2 things that nigerians cannot be faulted for are being enterprising and hopeful! i don't get it sometimes, but when all is hopeless nigerians keep hoping and actually making the best out of situations. the article my mom sent me listed countless nigerians that have ventured to win several awards and accolades for the work theyre doing in several fields from literature to science research to government and on and on.

so i guess there is something to celebrate afterall as nigeria turns 49. and its not its potential. rather the heights that have been reached by numerous nigerians. now why cant we have a government that reflects our best citizens and our best ambitions (i'll even settle for average), instead of one that fights to reach new lows on a daily basis. in the words of chicago-ans: theres always next year.

post-post: ever had a clogged sink or tub? maybe it wasnt fully clogged, just enough so that when u ran the water, it drained very slowly. not to mention u kept adding to the clog by shaving or bathing. ever bought the wrong solution to clear up the clog? u pour the entire bottle in the sink/tub and run lots of water and nothing happens. more clog. now the water soaks up even slower than before. then u ask someone at the store to give u advice on the right solution/brand to use. u get home, do the drill and it works. water flows like it used to. better than it used to. ever bled? your blood says everything.